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Healthy Sexual Development:
Birth to Three Years

It is Normal for Children to:

  • Explore and touch private parts, in public and in private (Children may experience physical genital arousal, including erections in boys and lubrication in girls. This may be a form of self-soothing for toddlers)

  • Show their private parts to others

  • Try to touch mother’s or other women’s breasts

  • Remove clothes and want to be naked

  • Attempt to see other people when they are naked or undressing

  • Ask questions about their own—and others’—bodies and bodily functions

  • Talk to children their own age about bodily functions

Promote Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:

  • Use accurate names for body parts

  • Explain the basic anatomical differences between males and females

  • Explain that bodies change as children grow up

  • Explain that babies come from inside a woman’s uterus

  • Teach children about respectful personal boundaries without shaming the child (keeping private parts covered, not touching other children’s private parts)  

  • Accept the child’s gender identification

  • Give simple answers to all questions about the body and bodily functions

Healthy Sexual Development:
Children Three to Six Years

It is Normal for Children to:

  • Touch private parts (masturbation), occasionally in the presence of others

  • Attempt to see other people when they are naked or undressing

  • Mimic dating behavior (such as kissing, or holding hands)

  • Talk about private parts and use “naughty” words

  • Explore private parts with children their own age

  • Use slang words, “potty humor” or jokes to describe body parts and functions

  • Develop a deeper understanding of gender roles

  • Exhibit sex play or activities that explore sexuality and bodies and socially prescribed gender roles

Promote Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:

  • Use accurate names for body parts

  • Explain basic anatomical differences between genders and how bodies change as children grow up

  • Explain that babies come from inside a woman’s uterus

  • Teach children about respectful personal boundaries (keeping private parts covered, not touching other children’s private parts) without shaming the child

  • Accept the child’s gender identification

  • Give simple answers to all questions about the body and bodily functions

  • Allow the child to dress up and play with toys from the “other” gender

  • Respect child’s modesty and desire for privacy

  • Monitor what they are exposed to in all media; use all resources available to block porn sites, and watch television and movies together and discuss sexualized situations

Healthy Sexual Development:
Children Seven to Twelve Years

It is Normal for Children to:

  • Masturbate occasionally reaching physical climax as they reach puberty

  • Play games with children their own age that involve sexual behavior (such as “truth or dare”, “playing family,” or “boyfriend/girlfriend”)

  • Be curious about and attempt to see other people naked or undressing

  • Look at pictures of naked or partially naked people

  • Be interested in sexual content in media

  • Want more privacy

  • Feel sexual attraction to/interest in peers

Promote Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:

  •  Don’t push the child to be more grown up (calling time with a friend a “date” or encouraging make-up 

  • Discuss gender roles and identities and accept and support a child who is gender non-conforming and accept the child's developing orientation (it's still fluid at this point, and for some kids fluidity lasts longer!)

  •  Discuss different sexual orientations and accept the child’s orientation

  •  Explain the basics of human reproduction, including the role of vaginal intercourse    

  •  Describe the physical changes that occur during puberty 

  •  Teach that masturbation is something that occurs in private

  •  Explain risks of sexual activity (pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases)

  • Explain risks of on-line sexual behavior - sharing sexualized photos may lead to legal issues, and embarrassment if the images are shred further

  •  Explain the basics of contraception

Healthy Sexual Development:
Children Thirteen and Older

 

It Is Normal for Children to:

  • Experience puberty

  • Want more privacy

  • Masturbate and have sexual fantasies including intense feelings of physical sexual arousal which can be very confusing to an unprepared child

  • Look at pictures and videos of naked people

  • Be interested in sexual content in media

  • Be extremely concerned with appearances

  • Experiment with relationships and sexual behaviors

  • Move towards defining sexual identity which could include identity confusion

  • Date and engage in sexual behavior (flirting, kissing, contact)

Promoting Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:

  • Discuss how to give and ask for consent

  • Develop a safety plan with your child that include what to do if there are unwanted sexual advances

  • Discuss contraception 

  • Clearly share your family's values on all aspects of sexuality, from consent to sex to hooking up to sex outside or marriage

  • Discuss options should unprotected sex occur

  • Reinforce child's ability to make good decisions

  • Use inclusive language that acknowledges a variety of gender and sexual orientations

  • Ensure that your child understands the physical and emotional dynamics of sexual arousal, and knows how to deal with their own arousal and that of others

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