Healthy Sexual Development:
Birth to Three Years
It is Normal for Children to:
-
Explore and touch private parts, in public and in private (Children may experience physical genital arousal, including erections in boys and lubrication in girls. This may be a form of self-soothing for toddlers)
-
Show their private parts to others
-
Try to touch mother’s or other women’s breasts
-
Remove clothes and want to be naked
-
Attempt to see other people when they are naked or undressing
-
Ask questions about their own—and others’—bodies and bodily functions
-
Talk to children their own age about bodily functions
Promote Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:
-
Use accurate names for body parts
-
Explain the basic anatomical differences between males and females
-
Explain that bodies change as children grow up
-
Explain that babies come from inside a woman’s uterus
-
Teach children about respectful personal boundaries without shaming the child (keeping private parts covered, not touching other children’s private parts)
-
Accept the child’s gender identification
-
Give simple answers to all questions about the body and bodily functions
Healthy Sexual Development:
Children Three to Six Years
It is Normal for Children to:
-
Touch private parts (masturbation), occasionally in the presence of others
-
Attempt to see other people when they are naked or undressing
-
Mimic dating behavior (such as kissing, or holding hands)
-
Talk about private parts and use “naughty” words
-
Explore private parts with children their own age
-
Use slang words, “potty humor” or jokes to describe body parts and functions
-
Develop a deeper understanding of gender roles
-
Exhibit sex play or activities that explore sexuality and bodies and socially prescribed gender roles
Promote Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:
-
Use accurate names for body parts
-
Explain basic anatomical differences between genders and how bodies change as children grow up
-
Explain that babies come from inside a woman’s uterus
-
Teach children about respectful personal boundaries (keeping private parts covered, not touching other children’s private parts) without shaming the child
-
Accept the child’s gender identification
-
Give simple answers to all questions about the body and bodily functions
-
Allow the child to dress up and play with toys from the “other” gender
-
Respect child’s modesty and desire for privacy
-
Monitor what they are exposed to in all media; use all resources available to block porn sites, and watch television and movies together and discuss sexualized situations
Healthy Sexual Development:
Children Seven to Twelve Years
It is Normal for Children to:
-
Masturbate occasionally reaching physical climax as they reach puberty
-
Play games with children their own age that involve sexual behavior (such as “truth or dare”, “playing family,” or “boyfriend/girlfriend”)
-
Be curious about and attempt to see other people naked or undressing
-
Look at pictures of naked or partially naked people
-
Be interested in sexual content in media
-
Want more privacy
-
Feel sexual attraction to/interest in peers
Promote Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:
-
Don’t push the child to be more grown up (calling time with a friend a “date” or encouraging make-up
-
Discuss gender roles and identities and accept and support a child who is gender non-conforming and accept the child's developing orientation (it's still fluid at this point, and for some kids fluidity lasts longer!)
-
Discuss different sexual orientations and accept the child’s orientation
-
Explain the basics of human reproduction, including the role of vaginal intercourse
-
Describe the physical changes that occur during puberty
-
Teach that masturbation is something that occurs in private
-
Explain risks of sexual activity (pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases)
-
Explain risks of on-line sexual behavior - sharing sexualized photos may lead to legal issues, and embarrassment if the images are shred further
-
Explain the basics of contraception
Healthy Sexual Development:
Children Thirteen and Older
It Is Normal for Children to:
-
Experience puberty
-
Want more privacy
-
Masturbate and have sexual fantasies including intense feelings of physical sexual arousal which can be very confusing to an unprepared child
-
Look at pictures and videos of naked people
-
Be interested in sexual content in media
-
Be extremely concerned with appearances
-
Experiment with relationships and sexual behaviors
-
Move towards defining sexual identity which could include identity confusion
-
Date and engage in sexual behavior (flirting, kissing, contact)
Promoting Your Child's Healthy Sexual Development:
-
Discuss how to give and ask for consent
-
Develop a safety plan with your child that include what to do if there are unwanted sexual advances
-
Discuss contraception
-
Clearly share your family's values on all aspects of sexuality, from consent to sex to hooking up to sex outside or marriage
-
Discuss options should unprotected sex occur
-
Reinforce child's ability to make good decisions
-
Use inclusive language that acknowledges a variety of gender and sexual orientations
-
Ensure that your child understands the physical and emotional dynamics of sexual arousal, and knows how to deal with their own arousal and that of others